Boo! Change is Scary

by Peggy Mitchell Norwood, Ph.D.

In our culture, fear and horror are best-selling commodities. Halloween, including its haunted houses, ghosts, skeletons, and black cats, delights children of all ages. Who hasn’t enjoyed seeing a movie that puts you on the edge of your seat? Right after you scream with horror, you giggle with glee. But, if you mention the word “change,” nobody laughs. The fear you enjoy in a dark theater becomes a paralyzing obstacle in the light of real life.

Take a look at some of the problems you are facing in your life right now. It might seem that things are happening to you for no apparent reason or people are simply out to get you. But, if you examine the events leading up to your situation, you will discover that fear has been a significant contributing, if not causal, factor. You were too afraid to either say no or yes.

One of the biggest causes of fear is the unknown. This is especially true when you believe the unknown (or unseen) is dangerous or likely to result in pain or punishment. When your mind has no conception of what is in front of you, it generates the unpleasant emotion of fear. You will be reluctant to walk into what you can’t see or visualize.

What if you can see perfectly what’s ahead of you? There is no uncertainty about it, but it is something you’ve never done before. Doing something different is scary because it's new and unfamiliar.

So maybe it’s not unknown and it’s not unfamiliar. You know what it requires; you’ve even done it before. But you think to yourself, “What if something bad happens this time? What if I embarrass myself? What if it doesn’t go as expected?” You could ask yourself what-if questions until it results in mental confusion and paralysis. Imagining what could happen is usually worse than what is actually likely to happen.

Most "what-if" questions involve your fears about the worst possible thing that could happen. But many people also suffer from a fear of success. "What if I actually get everything I've been hoping for?" Now that's scary! Achieving success will require you to operate in a realm that is unfamiliar and unknown. These are the very things that make change so scary. And what if your success still leaves you feeling empty and unfulfilled? You will always feel empty when your value is tied to what you do and not who you are. In order not to feel afraid of success, you'll have to focus more on your effort and enjoyment of the process and take your attention off of the success or failure of the outcome.

Another strategy to overcome what-if thinking and put your situation in its proper perspective is to ask yourself, “And then what?” Follow that up with the question, “How likely is that to actually happen?” You will be surprised where you end up when you are willing to ask these two simple, logical questions.

Here’s an example:

“I'm afraid to go for that promotion. What if I don’t get it?” “And then what?” “Everyone will think I’m a loser.” “And how likely is that to actually happen?” “Not likely. I have several friends on the job.” “And then what” “They might even put in a good word for me with the boss.”

A friend once told me that FEAR stands for "False Evidence Appearing Real." When you combat fear with a sound mind and rational thinking, you’ll be on your way to producing the change you want! To learn more, you can read my book, Do Something Different...For a Change. It is available for purchase on my website at www.DoSomethingDifferentNow.com

Persevere!

Dr. Peg

Summary:

The unknown is scary.

The unfamiliar is scary.

What-if thinking is a barrier to change.

Reflection Questions:

Not all what-if questions are bad. One good what-if question is, “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?”

What would you stop doing if you weren’t afraid?

©2009 Peggy Mitchell Norwood | All Rights Reserved

To learn more about how to experience lasting change, visit my website at www.DoSomethingDifferentNow.com